I recently had a conversation with my 9 year old son after a particularly rough day at school. Looking forlorn, he told me how he had gotten marked down for the day by his teacher because he was talking to his classmate while he supposed to be listening. As I was listening to him complain about how his friend had asked him a question and he needed to respond and that his teacher didn’t even warn him he wasn’t supposed to be talking I found myself starting to get frustrated by his blame on others for his behaviors. Once he finished talking I told him, like any good mom does, “Honey, you made a choice right?” He looked at me clearly confused and asked what I meant. So I tried to break it down for him, I explained that he has a choice, he can do what he knows is the better choice (I mean this isn’t the first time that he has been told to stop talking) or he can choose to make the choice that will most likely earn him the unwanted attention from his teacher. After much deliberation he decided that his new goal was not to talk to his neighbors during class time. So far he has chosen to refrain from talking although I know it is no easy task for him, but I give him props for choosing the more disciplined action.
How many times does this play out in our adult lives? It could be the decision we made to take on a last minute work project and bail on our lunch date with our spouse, the greasy cheeseburger we had for lunch instead of the lunch we packed, not making it to the gym, not getting to bed on time and the list goes on. How many times do we make a choice, then feel guilty or later regret that choice that came so easily in the moment? The power of choice can be empowering or it can be a source of guilt and blame. When we choose to make the choices that don’t align to what we really want in our life do we end up like my son, looking for someone or something to blame?
Some of the choices we make can be inconsequential: should I wear the blue or green blouse? Other choices, when made repeatedly can have a profound effect in a positive or negative way on us individually or on others around us. If I were to ask someone that just got back from a walk or run how they felt, how many people do you think would tell me, “I wish I had never gone.” Or what about that person who knew that alcohol was de-railing their health goals and causing them poor sleep that led to low energy the next day, do you think that person would feel bad for making the choice to abstain from their evening drink when they awoke refreshed and focused? The point is every day we make tons of choices. We choose when we get up, we choose whether we work out, we choose when to check our email or if we will engage in a heated discussion with our spouse. By owning that we have a choice takes back our control and allows us the ability to choose powerfully and intentionally in a way that moves us closer to our goals vs pushing us away.
How is that some people are successful at working out, getting to bed on time, spending quality time with their family, etc and some aren’t? There are lots of reasons, but I would argue it starts with one thing…..choice. Those individuals that are the most successful have chosen to live their life a certain way and they don’t settle for anything less even when it is really hard. Maybe it is the choice to leave your phone in the bedroom when you get home at night so you aren’t distracted from playing with your kids. Choice to grab Subway instead of McDonald’s on a road trip. Choice to get up 20 minutes earlier to read the bible instead of sleeping longer. The focus is not which choice is right or which goal is important to someone else, it is what is important to you and are the choices you make each day moving you closer to your best life or keeping you stuck in your current reality?
Should choosing your less desired outcome evoke feelings of guilt and despair? Absolutely not, after all you made the choice and let’s face it, sometimes you just want a cheeseburger, you need to check your phone for an important message or sleep wins out instead of working up a sweat, but the point is that you have a choice and no one can take that from you unless you allow it.
Before making your next choice, ask yourself, is this the easy choice or is this my right choice? Instead of looking for someone or something to blame the next time you feel like you made a wrong choice, instead ask yourself what do I need to do differently next time to make the right choice. History has a way of repeating itself and if you prepare for when that decision presents itself again you will be more likely to achieve your desired outcome. You have the power to choose, now go own it!
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